Lucid Thoughts

March 6, 2026

Right out of college I worked at a restaurant chain owned by a popular fashion company.  

Said company became my ideal home for a career start.  

In addition to the clothes already in my closet, the brand provided all the benefits a girl could ever need for work: a stable income, healthy work/life balance, and an incredible discount on all things retail.  

For two years I attempted to chase my dream there and failed. 

I prioritized internal networking and proving my dedication to the brand. I applied for countless positions in their corporate office which led to interviews after interviews and meetings after meetings. I was interviewed for other roles while on the hunt for an internal one but felt a sort of guilt, like I was choosing to give up on the brand. Every person I connected with raved about the company and how much they prioritize career growth, yet after almost three years as an employee, not one entry level job was opened to me.  

There came a moment when I failed the pursuit one too many times to continue doing what I was doing. By what felt like the millionth decline, after multiple rounds of interviews with people that I already knew, I couldn’t even feel disappointed anymore. Eventually, I had to learn that the rejections were not personal. At that breaking point, I didn’t think there was any way to move forward but to go backward first. 

It took a great amount of strength, self-motivation and a ridiculous number of “pros and cons” conversations for me to finally decide that I needed to rethink my career path plan. I was consumed by the idea of reaching my dream job within the company I already poured so much of my energy into. But that’s the thing; I loved the idea.  

I’ve always heard that if you love something, let it go. 

I’ve let go of the idea that my dream job was at that company. It became tangible and I couldn’t continue pretending to see it in the distance. I couldn’t even see it at all anymore.

The job I started last week has absolutely nothing to do with anything remotely close fashion. It’s administrative and quiet, and I don’t understand any of the professional jargon murmured around me. But I am here as a steppingstone. I needed to escape the cyclical path I was on. I thought committing to this position was a step in the wrong direction, one that directed me toward losing myself. I understand it now as a step forward: the key to ending that cycle.  

And I intend to be the best dressed in the office.   

I am most comfortable expressing myself through my written words and visually through my style. I am incredibly out of my comfort zone, yet I already feel more at home in this new company than the one I was trying to harvest a home in over the past few years. Not much time has passed since leaving the other company and I can already see my dream again. The journey just looks different now. 

With this new job, I am free to express myself creatively in my own time and for pleasure rather than for work. It’s a new freedom that I feel. I’m not trapped to impress certain people to advance my success anymore. 

Fashion magazine writing is my dream.  

There are thousands, maybe millions of fashion companies in the world. They’ll be around for as long as I need. I’ll make it to them when the time is right.